friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
