I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
