I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I will pee on everything he values.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize