Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
