Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
