FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
