Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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