Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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