we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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