so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
