I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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