Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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