You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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