i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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