You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
farters have to be the big spoon...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
