she looked like the before picture.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just found puke in my bra..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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