i think i have two assholes
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize