drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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