I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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