hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize