YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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