He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
