it was like eating out sand paper
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
