Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
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So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i drank out of a bidet.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
be right there i have to get my cape
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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