I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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