its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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