He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
