my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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