I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize