Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
