Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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