Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
