I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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