you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
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There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
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Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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