My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
