Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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