my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
did i just pee glitter
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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