Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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