my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
