if only i could text you this smell
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
