Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
