There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
