is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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