Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize