The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
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Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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