if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dicks are not precious.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
