you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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