i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So many bounce houses so little time
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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