I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
