Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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