we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
