I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
