Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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