my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize