We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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