i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
