Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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