She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
